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Can I Change? – a poem by studentasim

Who are you?
What are you?
You hold my life
You grip my soul
I cannot understand you
The way you compel me
in the heat of the moment
my mind converted
What is addiction?
What is change?
How does one change?
I always wondered that
What is change?
How does change last?
I feel a deep regret
because I don’t know how to change
I have tried before
I can’t change
What will my end be?
Why do I have so much time?
I think about how it will be in the future
How do I find myself?
How do I change?
Can I change?
How do I slay the Monster?
We all change somewhat over time
Some more
Some not so much
How does one change now?
Right now?
Time is needed
Isn’t it?
Or can one change instantly?
This is also possible
What compels people to change?
How do we separate desire from logic
How does the mind speak to the body, and guide the soul?
I fear it’s true
I cannot change
But what also is true is this
If I am honest with myself
Do I know who I am?
Do I realize my potential?
Do I know what I can do?
How much experience do I have?
How do I know what I know is right?
I have limiting circumstances
The same movie playing
I need to experience myself
by experiencing experience itself
Until then I will realize that I cannot change
But I may be able to correct this judgement when I’m ready
Isn’t it insanity to claim I cannot change
when the same movie repeats itself?
Therefore, If I believe I cannot change
I have experienced insanity
Could this be the reason why I cannot change?
Even if the Monster
as powerful as it is
governs my person
for those shades in time
I must struggle against it
I do
It will never end
If it is possible for it to advance
I believe it is possible for it to retreat
and so the cycle will continue
but each time
I will fall deeper into myself
Now I must go away
searching for a new production
to absorb myself
eventually maturing to a point
to realize what I need to realize next
I must look for the answer
Can I change?

Published inpoetry